The more I research the topic of relationships, the more confirmation I obtain about the number of complexities men and women bring to the table in pursuit of healthy relationships. Most recently I explored the following question: “How can seemingly good men or women still be single?” Well, upon further review I’ve realized that men and women can appear to be good externally, have their material and professional ducks in a row, but uninvited guests eventually derail a number of their relationships.
Now you may be sitting there with a perplexed look on your face, but many of us (myself included) have at some time brought some uninvited guests into our relationships. It’s a good time to see if you can personally relate to any of these. If not, then share with a friend, family member or co-worker.
Memories of past women — One of the quickest ways for you to disqualify yourself from being blessed with a Proverbs 31-esque woman is to bring memories of past women along with you. Unfortunately, too many men feel as if ALL women are desperate and will do just about anything to say they are in relationships. This may be true for women with low self-esteem, who are uneducated or who lack proper guidance. However, women who bring education, self-esteem, self-sufficiency and a desire for relational partnership to the table are more interested in building a future than catering to your past. What does this mean for you? It means that you must be willing to embrace the progressive, entrepreneurial and successful mindsets in exchange for the insignificant, irrelevant female ego-boosters from your past.
‘Outside’ male advisors — One of the quickest ways for you to escalate the anger level in a man is to emasculate him by placing too much focus and faith in outside male advisors. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t solicit information from men you value in order to guide you through situations. However, I am saying that you should allow men to grow, mature and develop through experiences without constantly comparing them to your fathers and/or pastors. One of the most frustrating situations from a man’s perspective is to have another man with significant input in your relationship when it’s unsolicited. I say this especially to women who hold their pastors and ministers in high esteem. Please remember that your man/fiancÃ©/husband is the one who needs to be empowered to make decisions. Your pastors and fathers each had the opportunity to learn through individual experiences, so please don’t remove this opportunity from the men in your lives. I know this may not sit well with some of you and that’s okay. I’m simply sharing the message for you to contemplate.
As challenging as relationships between men and women are, we cannot afford to keep bringing uninvited guests into them. Take time to examine your past relationships to see if there were any situations where uninvited guests were allowed to creep in? If so, be mindful of allowing this to happen in the future. Even though we all have influences that we respect in life, please don’t allow them to hinder the growth of the person you are involved with. If you allow the natural process of relationships to take place, it can make for a much more valuable and appreciated experience!
Kenny Pugh is a Life & Relationship Strategist, Author of ‘Can You Do It Standing Up?’, Speaker, HLN Contributor, singles leader and sought-after speaker on singleness, relationships, finances and life. He is also the visionary behind KTP Financial, LLC (www.ktpfinancial.com). You can find more information about Kenny at kennypugh.com. You can follow him on Facebook at Kenny Pugh or on Twitter @mrkennypugh.